Dos and don'ts

[thailandgr]

....To Truly Unseen Thailand


A Typical Thai tourist beach where Thai people swim in the sea with their clothes on

DO’S

>Do on eat on the street, perhaps the best food to be had – you have just as much chance of coming down with a case of the ‘Indian-belly’ at the nearest 5 star hotel.

>Do visit a local morning market – a truly unforgettable experience of smelly meats, loud vendors and a fleet of vegetable carts waiting to run you over.

>Do take a motorbike-taxi ride, speeding through the traffic like a Loony Tunes character you’ll be in for one darned… ‘scary experience’.

>Do try the local speciality ‘Papaya-Pok-Pok’(Somtum), if not… then the Thais will say ‘You have never truly been to Thailand’.

>Do, even if you don’t speak a word of Thai, stay in the middle of Nakhorn Nowhere or Buffaloburi for a few days , better than experiencing some corny episode of ‘Survivor Series’.

>Do pop over the Thai-Cambodian border into the border town of Poipet for the night, some folks may say it’s the worst border town dump in the world – but it’s one heck of an unforgettable wild-west experience.

>Do have a bevvie at some shack upcountry karaoke bar, can witness the local drunkards fighting over who is going to sing the next song.

>Do venture into Bangkok’s very own slum district of Klong Tery at 2 in the morning, completely off the tourist track…no further explanation necessary.

>Do hang around South Pattaya for the evening, great fun seeing all the newly-arrived naughty Arab males being chatted up by a 6 foot 2 ladyboy they think… is an actual girl.

>Do take the countryside train, even though the journey itself may feel like it takes a lifetime, it’s a great way to get a real feel for the rural Thai ways.

>Do take up the opportunity of staying with a Thai family, another great way to experience the life-style of the locals.

DON’TS

> Don’t go to a Farang infested beach, go to a Thai-style one – excellent place to see the locals stroll along the beach in long-sleeved jackets, huge huts and 50 proof sunblock plastered all over their faces.

>Don’t, as a male, bother buying some over-priced drink for a girl in a bar – completely pointless, just pop along to your nearest dept store and you’ll find lotsa lovely sales-assistant girls waiting to be chatted up for free.

>Don’t take one of Bangkok’s spanking new yellow air-con buses, enjoy the thrills and spills instead in one of the capital’s little green doorless three and a half wheeled ones, a truly manic experience.

>Don’t go on one of those pricey hotel tour-boat rides up the Chao Praya River, for the grand sum of nine baht - take a ride on the local express boat, you’ll get exactly the same view!

>Don’t spend all your time hanging around the usual tourist-haunted temples, go to a local upcountry one instead and you can chat to all the resident monks about ….football, latest Nokia models and the newest DVD releases.

>Don’t stay in and write postcards all night, enjoy an evening of ‘All the fun of the Temple Fair’, meditation and chanting are out – darts, bingo and bouncy castles are in.

>Don’t waste your valuable time at boring Farang discos, Bangkok’s massive Thai-style ones are one heck of an eye-opener.

>And don’t sacrifice any more of your precious time applying for a long-term visa in Thailand, the authorities in charge are highly experienced in wasting as much of your time as heavenly possible.

>Don’t fork out for a pricey ticket on Thai Airways, just take Air Asia instead - even though you may be delayed for an average of four hours you’ll be saving a small fortune. Even Thailand’s very own Prime Minister himself once said “Our national carrier is over-priced and a load of rubbish".

>Don’t hang around some gory guesthouse watching movies all night, check out the local TV Soap Operas, great insight into the mentality of the 'Thai family life'.

>And finally, don’t spend all your time in the city, at the beach or a tourist-orientated hill resort – take a trip into the countryside of Thailand’s very own ‘north-east’ (Isarn), lotsa rice whiskey, grilled chicken, sticky rice and friendly locals – not to be missed.

[thailandgr]

.......for Thais going to Farangland

DOS:

>Do arrive at appointments on time, Farangs don’t enjoy having to waste their precious time waiting for folks who turn up half an hour late every time.
>Do get used to being away from your family, you can’t live with your mother all your life.
>Do get in the queue, you don’t need an umbrella around your head if you jump in front of any old ladies.
>Do, even as a customer say ‘thank you’, Farangs are pretty polite in a variety of situations.
>Do get used to saying ‘good-bye I have to go now’ to people and not just walk off halfway through a conversation.
>Do, if you don’t understand some instructions tell the person straight, there is no need to feel embarrassed about such things in Farangland.
>Do, if you drive a car, obey the traffic laws, your influential uncle’s name-card is not going to work with the local traffic police there.
>Do, as a student or worker, ask if a question if you don’t understand something, you are not going to be sympathized with if you make quack-wack mistakes.
>Do get used to the hideous sight of hairy chests in the summer, the locals just love the sun!
>Do get used to the local food, you can’t live on ‘Mama’ noodles for the rest of your life.
>Do get used to the locals constantly complaining, it is their national pastime.
>Do, if you make a mistake say ‘sorry’, Farangs don’t give a darned about who is older than who etc..
>Do, if you don’t know where you are going, ask a local for the way, he will tell you straight up if he doesn’t know and not point you in the completely wrong direction like back home.

DONT'S:

>Don’t ask the locals to the likes of ‘And how old are you?’, that’s his darned business and not yours.
>Don’t ask the locals to the likes of ‘What’s your nickname?’, as they probably wouldn’t have a clue what you are talking about.
>Don’t ask the locals to the likes of ‘What is your religion?’, such things are regarded quite personal in Farangland.
>Don’t ask the locals to the likes of ‘How much do you earn?’, you don't want them thinking ‘What the heck has that got to do with you?’
>Don’t ask your unmarried Farang lady friend ‘And why aren’t you married?’, she may not feel that she needs a man to survive in life.
>And certainly, don’t ask any black guys to the likes of ‘Where do you come from?’, you don’t need to be on the receiving end of a smack on the nose.
>Don’t take your skin whitening lotion with you, you don’t need to make a right mockery of yourself.
>Don’t use a fork to stick a piece of fruit in your mouth, such acts are considered completely uncivilized in Farangland.
>And don’t put your head halfway inside your noodle soup bowl when eating, Farangs can be quite sensitive about ‘their’ eating habits, just like you!
>Don’t bother talking any fish sauce with you, such things exist in Farangland too.
>Don’t even think about bribing the local authorities when you have done wrong, you don’t need to be made guest of the corrections department for the next three years.
>Don’t complain about the time length of having to wait for your visa, strict regularities have to be met since half your fellow countrymen have fled the scene and did a ‘Robin Hood’ on arrival before.

[thailandgr]

....in Thailand


Do visit a genuine Thai market!


DOS:

>Do get used to Thais arriving for their appointments half an hour late, most of the country’s watches are ‘defunct’.

>Do tuck your feet in, the person sat opposite does not need to view what you have just been treading in.

>Do understand that Thais have a tender fondness for uniforms, they just love getting dressed up.

>Do realize that Thais just adore receiving awards, they are even given for just being born.

>Do have patience, the Thais don’t exactly enjoy having to listen to your waffling complaints all day long.

>Do take off your shoes when entering a house, unlike in the west; the Thais don’t need to see the remains of dog waste all over their floors.

>Do, as a Farang girl, wear a bra, the Thai women are a little sensitive about having to see such things ‘wobble’ about.

>Do, as a paying customer, understand that sales-girls prefer doing their make-up to serving you, beauty is of the upmost importance here, unlike 'you'.

>Do, as a foreign man looking for a Thai girlfriend, take your time and find a ‘decent’ one, Thais think us Farang guys have an awful sense of taste.

>Do, as a Farang baby, get used to having your cheek pinched 1,000 times a day and being told “Such a cutey little baby”, most of the girls would like to have one – just like you!

>Do understand that Thais have an infatuation for plastic bags, the sales-girls will even give you one for putting your chewing gum in.

>Do get used to Thais ‘jumping the queue’, they can wait 3 years for the first kiss from their boyfriends, but having to wait just 30 seconds in a queue at 7-11 is just unbearable.

>Do get used to using straws, after you have seen the state of most of bottle tops you will understand why.

>Do give up your seat to a schoolkid on the bus, as for the old man, just let him stand.

>And finally, do learn a few words of Thai, how would you feel if a Chinese guy did nothing but waffle on to you in ‘his’ own lingo in your home country.

Don'ts:

>Don’t go smooching your loved one in the middle of the street, Thais prefer performing such personal 'activity' in the privacy of ones room.

>Don’t use a fork to stick plain rice in your mouth, would your mother enjoy having to witness a foreigner use a knife to eat a potato in her country?

>Don’t even bother complaining about the daily noise pollution, if you like a bit of peace and quiet you may as well stay at home.

>Don’t go patting you friend on the head, Thais are a little sensitive about such things.

>Don't even begin thinking of discussing literary classics with the locals, the whole country is only besotted by cartoon books.

>Don’t, as a Farang employer, bother screaming at your office girls for eating khanom and chatting on MSN all day, anyway what can you expect on their miserly salaries?

>Don’t, as a Farang guy on wanting to marry a Thai misunderstand Thai tradition, do instead understand that a dowry or at least just showing one is part of the culture, no need to feel that you are always being ‘ripped-off’.

>Don’t, as a Farang girl, wear hotpants to the temple, you don’t need the monks breaking out in a sweat

>Don’t, as a Farang wanting to live here, even bother complaining to the officials in charge about the endless paperwork, they just love collecting forms and looking at them a thousand times.

>Don’t bother telling any of your ‘mother-in-law’ to the locals, Thais prefer comedy to the likes of a ladyboy falling off a chair.

>Don’t get paranoid at being cheated all the time, not all the Thais are out to ‘scam’ the Farang tourist of his dollars.

>And finally, don't feel insulted at having to hear the likes of "Hey you" and "Where you go man" from the nation's tuk-tuk and taxi drivers, do understand they've never learnt English at school.

[thailandgr]

of coming to Thailand.....on the cheap

DON'TS:

Don’t bother paying for a room at a dingy guesthouse, just check into the local temple and stay for free.
Don’t bother having your breakfast and lunch at the market, all that’s free at the temple too!
Don’t bother getting yourself a pricey tourist visa, the 30 day freebie one on arrival will do.
Don’t, if you stay at the guesthouse, get a lonely boring room all to yourself, just ask for the dormitory.
Don’t even think of going to the cinema, you can watch a string of freebie movies at the guesthouse all for the price of a Pepsi.
Don’t go paying for pricey beers at a bar, get sloshed on the 37 baht big Beer Changs at 7-11 first before ‘going out’ and ordering ‘a bottle of water please’
Don’t, when on the islands take any of those darned pricey tuk-tuks, just walk everywhere, you could probably do with the exercise.
Don’t bother taking any of those pricey boat trips to nearby islands, just swim there yourself.
Don’t even think of eating at the guesthouse, the food on the street is twice as cheap and twice as good.
Don’t, when arriving at the airport take one of their Farang-priced taxis, just walk out on to the main road and get the bus.
Don’t bother giving the waitress a tip, she has to be taught that her 100 baht a day salary is more than enough to live on.
Don’t bother taking your dirty laundry to be washed outside, buy some detergent and wash it yourself.
Don’t even bother wasting your money searching the Net, just go ask for freebie advice from other travellers.
Don’t even think of giving money to a beggar, his agent probably has stacks more cash than you.
Don’t bother going for a massage, just do it yerself.

DOS:

Do go for one of those freebie tuk-tuk rides, you’ll only have to pop into the Indian tailor’s shop for ten minutes and say ‘No thank you belly much’.
Do forget about any pricey taxi ride, Bangkok’s little green buses are lots more fun at just four baht a go.
Do just ask for a ‘darned cold Pepsi’, you don’t need to be paying two baht for a glass of ice.
Do, as a Farang guy flirt with any lusty old divorcee with stacks-a-cash, you could end up on a freebie hoilday.
Do, if you get married to a Thai girl explain to her parents that ‘Paying a dowry is well… against my religion’
Do learn a few phrases of Thai, you will be wanting to pay the ‘Thai priced’ admission fees.
Do, as a guy, when you are at a bar, explain to the girls that buying them a coke is ‘bad for their teeth’
Do take the overnight buses everywhere, you don’t need to go wasting your money on a ‘crappy’ airplane ride.
Do, when wanting to buy a new shirt at Chatuchak ask around at 20 different stalls first, you will be wanting the best price going.
And finally, do, as a Farang girl, just flirt a bit with a bunch of the local guys, you don’t need to be buying your own beers!

[thailandgr]

..........of dating a 'proper' Thai girl

DON'TS:

Don't arrive at you meeting place after her on the first date.
Don't invite her to a bar/disco on your first date and certainly....
Don't ask her to bed after your first date.
Don't misunderstand if she takes her friend along on your first couple of dates, she's still a little afraid of you.
Don't sweet-talk too much with "Oooh, I love your.." etc, or she'll think you're a playboy.
Don't visit her parents' home if you dont want to take the relationship too seriously, she doesn't want to lose face if you leave her.
Don't buy her chocolates, she doesn't want to be overweight for you!! and...
Don't invite her for a romantic walk along the beach, she doesn't want to be too darkened for you too!!
Don't complain about this and that all the time, she wants you to be happy.
Don't go complaing about all things Thai, or she won't understand why you chose to live here.
Don't dress like you stay along Khao Sarn Road, she wants to feel proud of you.
Don't tell her about any naughty past adventures in Pattaya, or she'll worry that you will be getting up to some more naughty tricks again soon.
Don't tell dirty jokes and swear out loud, she likes a polite man.
Don't shout at the waitress when she gets your order wrong, she doesn't want you to get all serious!!
Don't boast that you have this and that, she's heard it all before.

DOS:

Do realise that if she calls you she likes you.
Do invite her for lunch and a movie on your first date.
Do buy her small inexpensive gifts from time to time, she'll know that you are thinking about her.
Do be clean and dress neatly, she wants you to smell and look nice.
Do ask her about her mom and dad, she wants you to care about them too.
Do ask to carry her bag for her, she likes a gentleman.
Do speak well about the Thais and her country, she's proud of her country.
Do invite her to make merit at the temple, she'll certainly love that.
Do try and not smoke or drink too much, she cares about you health.
Do realise that Thai girls are very close to their family and.....
Do realise that to get into a serious relationship with a Thai means getting into a serious relationship with the whole of her family, she wants them to love you too.
Do realise that date with you is a serious thing for her.
Do realise when you become her boyfriend she will be thinking about getting married one day, and...
Do realise that if she sleeps with you, she will certainly be thinking about getting married one day.
Do realise that if she takes you to meet her parents, she knows that's the first step to getting married in Thailand.
Do realise that she enjoys doing your washing/cleaning etc.., she wants you to know she would make a good wife.
Do realise that if she asks and cares about your health, she likes you.
Do realise that most Thai girls would prefer a guy that seriously loved her to an unfaithful guy with loads of cash, she wants you to understand that.

[thailandgr]

...............of coming to Thailand......again


(Left): Bridge on the River Kwae (Right): Guesthouse Cuisine

DOS

Do run up the nearest hill and not go look for the sea if you see that the sea isn’t there, it will come back, it is a scientific fact.
Do get rid of that big hairy moustache, you won’t get a part on a Bollywood movie here.
Do, as a guy, ‘dress-up’ when going to a disco and not wear shorts, your hairy legs will not impress the local girls.
Do be careful when walking along a Bangkok street at night, falling down a manhole is not a memorable experience.
Do as the locals do and barge your way on to the bus, you don’t need to be stood at the bus stop all day.
Do realise that the Bridge over the River Kwai ought to be pronounced ‘Kwae’, you don’t want to inform the locals you are off to see the Bridge of the Buffalo.
Do, as a girl, not sit next to a monk on the bus, the poor fellow does not need to dash off the bus at the next stop.
Do cover up or put on repellent, allowing the mosquitoes to bite you for the fun of it, isn’t a very wise idea.
Do put on a strong sun-block on your first day at the beach, you don’t want to resemble a tomato.
Do eat out, the guesthouse cuisine is as close to original Thai food as Pizza Hut is to Italian.
Do watch a Thai movie, they aren’t as bad as you think.
Do go for a 100 baht haircut, you will be impressed by the service.


(Left): Don't sit under coconut trees (Right): Don't jump in the tub

DON'TS

Don't bother showing your map of Bangkok to a tuk-tuk driver, he doesn't even know where Thailand is on a world map.
Don’t jump into the big water container when taking a shower, it for water to be scooped out of, not for you to dive in to.
Don’t, as an American brag about everything American, the Thais prefer everything Japanese these days.
Don’t, when finding a dead chicken cook it up for dinner, you don’t need to come down with the Chicken fever.
Don’t walk up and down the beach bare-footed, Thailand’s creepy-crawlies are not the world’s friendliest.
Don’t go wearing one of those big farmers’ hats in Bangkok, you don’t want the locals to have a right laugh, at your expense.
Don’t complain about the hotels’ standards here in Thailand, you won’t exactly get a $15 room in your own country.
Don’t complain about Thailand’s politicians, ours aren’t exactly worth writing home about.
Don’t go popping any chemicals before entering a Bangkok disco, you don’t need to be pee-pee checked by the local police.
Don’t, when going to a disco take home a girl you have just met, you don’t want to wake up to find an empty room.
Don’t go walking across a zebra-crossing without looking both ways first, you don’t need to be the recipient of a nasty hospital bill.
Don’t go complaining about the standard of acting on Thai TV, it isn’t the actors’ fault they are that bad.
Don’t go putting a bottle to your mouth without wiping it clean first, you don’t know how many dogs have mistaken it as a small tree.
Don’t go dozing off underneath a coconut tree, you may not live to regret it.
Don’t arrive at the airport on an over-stay with no cash left, you don’t need the company of 200 cell-mates for the next few nights.
Don’t take a Khao San Road upcountry bus, you don’t need one of their villians to go through your luggage when you are asleep.
And finally, don’t feel insulted by the word Farang, it is not derogatory.

[thailandgr]

............... to Thailand



DON'TS:

Don't take up any offer of a ten baht tuk-tuk ride or you will be taken for one BIG ride.
Don't complain about the standard of English here, your Thai language skills aren't exactly that hot.
Don't try on a t-shirt if you aren't going to buy it, the vendor doesn't need the smell of your hairy armpits all over her goods.
Don't go walking around Bangkok shirtless hoping for a good tan or you will get a right tanning at the nearest police station.
Don't go throwing your cigarette butt around downtown Bangkok, you don't want to be made a few dollars less off.
Don't feed a 20 baht bunch of bananas to an elephant on the street, you don't want to promote cruelty to animals.
Don't buy a rose from a child beggar at night, you don't want to promote child labour.
Don't take the advice from a taxi who recommends you go for a naughty massage, he's not taking you there cause he likes you.
Don't buy a Buddha Image for household decoration, it doesn't belong on top of your TV.
Don't take advice from any Farang who has spent the past 20 years sitting on a bar stool at a bar-beer in Pattaya, he knows nothing.
Don't come here for 3 years and complain about all things Thai, or the locals will ask "Why don't you go home?"
Don't presume she fancies you just cause she asks where you stay, questions like that are the 'norm' here.
Don't dictate to the Thais about their Human Rights, our records are nothing to boast about.
Don't argue with a Pattaya songthaew driver, you don't need a plank of wood over your head.
Don't whistle to the King's anthem in the cinema, the Thais are rather sensitive about such things.
Don't walk around drinking a bottle of beer, you don't want to be mistaken as a drunkard.
And finally, don't walk around Chatuchak with all your valuables in your handbag, you may seriously regret it.



DOS:

Do get off the beaten track, there is more to Thailand than just writing boastful postcards and drinking banana shakes.
Do learn how to say a few Thai dishes in Thai, you don't just want to eat Phat Thai and Fried Rice throughout your entire stay.
Do buy gemstones at a reputed establishment, the tuk-tuk drivers recommendations are nothing to be desired.
Do dress politely, you don't want to be seen as having no self-pride.
Do give a tip at a nice restaurant, not everything the Lonely Planet states is true.
Do, if you wish, donate money to a respectable charity for the underpriviliged, and not some dodgy beggar on Silom.
Do keep your alcohol consumption under control, or you will enjoy a free breakfast as guest of the Corrections Dept.
Do say 'Hello' to the local kiddies, the local adults won't think you are a kind of a pervert like in the west.
Do take a shower regularly, you sweat and get more smelly here than you do back home.
Do take your shoes off when entering a Thai house, they don't need your sandals dirtying the floor.
Do have respect for their religion, in their eyes your religion is just as 'weird'.
Do speak politey to the authorites, you don't need to be sat around all day.
Do be careful and ask around first if you want to see a ping-ping a-go-go show on Patpong,you don't want to be relinquished of all your cash.
Do be patient, the Thais don't appreciate Farang who lose their temper just cause the waitress got the order wrong.
Do, as western girls, dress modestly in the Muslim areas of the south, you want to be seen in a good light.